Hot Crazy Scale Explained

The Hot Crazy Scale Explained

[Writers Side Note: Please note that this “Case Study” is merely made for humors value and is in no way true, except if you meet one of these girls LOL! Again I am just kidding! Please Note that I wrote this to solve an argument between me and my one friend as he was having a lot of interest from crazy girls. It then took off as a very funny piece of writing! Please enjoy!On another note this can be applied to guys just be a little creative ladies!]

Firstly I would like to thank whoever is reading this because let’s face it you are bored at work or of studying and you would rather be entertained by me ranting on about girls than do what you have to and that is awesome! Second I want to take at moment to explain the hot/crazy scale. Basically you can apply this scale to certain aspects of dating life (when you have been single for quiet some time, or recently have entered into a relationship, when you are single after being dumped, when you are looking for sex relationship or not, when you have never seen a pair of boobs other than softcore porn ect).

Most noteably there are 3 levels of hot and 3 levels of crazy and below I explain each level in detail but here is a summary:

CRAZY: 0 -3 : This is a very low level of crazy

4 -7: This is a medium level of crazy

8 -10: This is a very very high level of crazy

HOT: 8-10: Super Hot

6-7: Decently Hot

0 -5: Not Hot …… EVER!….. Unless intoxicated

Thirdly I would like to thank Barney Stinson the inventor of the Hot Crazy Scale from the show How I Met Your Mother because without him none of this could be possible. Finally I would like to thank Crazy chicks everywhere for giving us endless entertainment in your quest for “Love” and good luck because you will never ever find that.

Crazy 0 -3 & 8-10 hot = This is what I would call marriage material, and actually doesn’t exist, for a girl to be like this can only mean one thing… SHE USED TO BE A DUDE! That or she’ll come off as top level at first glance, but actually she is very good at hiding daddy issues that will scare the crap out of you. But if she does in fact not have any issues and is perfectly awesome then she is indeed the perfect female, there have been reports from china that there is a girl there on this level but it turned out to be a robot wife and that doesn’t count. However she may exist and these are signs of who she is

1. She lets you go to a strip club AND lets you touch as much as you want (If the stripper lets you)

2.She drinks beer and watches sport with you

3.  She wants sex more than you do

4. She indeed wants to give you a BJ at every possible moment

5. Refers to point D – She gives BJs while she is on that time of the month

6.Makes you a sandwich

7. Happily lets you hang with your bros, but could easily join bros night as all your bros consider her a bro

8.She will let you go for The Belt

9.Lets you play PS3 when you wake up in the morning

10. Will allow you one true free pass to sleep with one other girl of your choice

11. Pains me to say that she enjoys twilight, but its ok cause she also likes Star Wars

12. Watches porn and is actually turned on by it

13.The girl you can take home to your family, even though she likes porn

15. She lets you experiment in the bed room even if she is not into it

16. Is usually so hot that you get a hard on from her facebook profile picture Crazy

0 -3 & Hot 7 – 6 = Ok, so she’s not the hottest most jaw-dropping girl, but she isn’t crazy either. Is that worth it? Some would say so, because she’s going to be awesome to hang out with and that should up her hotness after a period of time, she is also the kind of girl you want in your life because she is a very very good wing women (referring to article how to pick up chicks for a bro as a wingman should) . This is how to identify her:

1) She looks good when she dolls herself up and makes an effort to go out

2) She makes a super effort with your bros Your bros refer to how cool she is before how hot she is

3) She let you fondle her boobs whenever you want

4) Will give you hand jobs while you drive

5) Has a 8-10 hot friend who she will always invite when you are in big groups, but not in intimate situations i.e dvd night

6) Is most likely going to land up in the fuck buddy category, and will be ok with that

7) Will let you make homemade porn on your cellphone

8) Tries a little too hard She will love foreplay (this is her go-to move)

9) When you and her are over will most likely end up dating a bro for a long period of time

10) Likes alot of things you do, and if she doesn’t she pretends to

11) Bangs you even if you play a nerd game like ‘Magic’ or Dungeons & Dragons

Crazy 0 -3 & Hot 5-0 = She is rad but not a looker at all. Refrain from bringing your penis near here under almost all circumstances. She is the cool chick friend that all guys want. However she may end up having feelings for you and that may lead to a definite rise in her crazy rating, as she will see you (hopefully) with super hot girls and then get jealous. In the end she is likely to get with an ugly bro, because she aims to always be around you, thus raising her crazy rating once again. However she may not. See 8 -10 Crazy & 0 – 4 Hot for further info. However these are the signs that you know her

1) She buys rounds of drinks for you and the bros

2) You having trouble with work or any other assignment and she will always find a way to help fix it

3) She cooks you dinner

4) Comes to watch DVDs when you can’t get any girls to hook up with

5) She’ll wing-lady when you are out

6) She jumps on the grenade naturally

7) Will always say how that girl is not good enough for you

8) You will text her when you need advice on “girly” things

9) Will buy you the things you really want on your birthday

10) Hasn’t had a boyfriend since she met you

11) Gloats about how many guys want her

11) Complains to you that the guys into her she just doesn’t like enough and how there are not enough good guys like you

12) May or may not have a shrine to you in her bedroom

13) She’ll end up dating one of your other bros, same as the girl previously explained

Crazy 4 -6 & Hot 8 -10 = To me, this is the kind of girl you want. She isn’t too crazy but will be interesting enough to keep you on your toes, and won’t be too good to be true. She has the simple worries like slight jealousy and wanting you to stay in instead of going out with the bros. However you need a warning, because girls in this with time may rise to the BAT SHIT CRAZY hot girl that you fist bump your friend for nailing but not for dating. The plus to these girls she is way way way better in bed. Her name usually ends in a Y or it should end in a “Y” but ends in an “I” e.g (Mandy & Mandi). Signs that this is your girl

1) She loves attention from all guys but will always make some reference back to her boyfriend in those situations (i.e. you)

2) She gets jealous when you talk to a semi attractive girl

3) Her name ends in any of the following letters: I,Y,E,S or her name is simply NAOMI or NAOME or NAOMY – NAOMI is the golden lamb of names

4)She cooks in the nude

5)She swims in the nude

6)In fact she does most activities in the house in the nude

7)She will send you dirty pictures when you out of town

8)She gets mad when your stuff is in her space

9)Gets mad when you forget anything to do with the bathroom e.g. forgetting a new toilet roll

10)She has a lot of sexy lingerie

11) Wants to dirty talk on msn all day

12)Will be willing to listen to your desires

13)Will demand oral sex in return for her doing oral sex

14)Enjoys 69

15)Generally dances extremely well

16) May or may not enjoy games like “which hole am I going for?”

Crazy 4- 6 & Hot 7 – 6 = This is the girl you must be careful of. She is bordering on bad crazy and got some attractive appeal, but she is more than likely going to end up in bed with a bro (serious bro code violation). This is your typical girl, and majority of the girls you will meet on a night out – it’s been proven that in 3 out 5 girls are 4-6 Crazy and Hot 7 -6. They create problems because they always have a hotter friend who you really want to get with. These are the kind of girls you want for one night stands – they are hot enough to get with but too crazy to date. If she gets you in the relationship disease I wish you luck. Not the absolute worst type to date but definitely try to stay clear and make sure you have a spare cell phone number. Signs to finding her:

1)She is usually the drunk girl who flashes at concerts or house parties

2) She is most likely to be involved in a threesome as she will be making out with other girls of the same level (one night stand)

3)You will have some semi-competition at clubs when approaching these girls

4) Referring to 3, just be better looking or have more money and you are ok

5)Gets drunk often because she has some insecurity issues or past issues she needs to resolve

6) She talks about material objects – like cars or jobs or sex toys

7) She likes it from behind

8)She is likely to hook up in public places

9)Will be ok with the random sex acts like tea bagging and Irish goggles

9) In a group she has had sex with 2 out of 5 in every friend group. Proven statistic

10) Likes role-playing like brothers best friend walks in on her in the bath with mr ducky and is all turned on.

11) Name is usually something plane and ordinary like Jenna or Sarah

12) Likes wearing short shorts in summer

13) Prefers swimming naked

14) Will by accident say another guys name in bed

Crazy 4 -6 & Hot 0 – 5 = These girls are clingy, and should be avoided if possible in hook up scenarios, unless, let’s face it, you look like an ass. And no, not an asshole, like a real ass! These girls are made for bros who need ass but can’t close or pull anyone better. I have seen many a good man get broken down by numerous beers and land into this bad, bad area. She is crazy enough to find your house when you make an exit without leaving a phone number, but not crazy enough to do anything other than tell you she knows where you live. However, they are cool for joking around with at a bar or a club, and usually will have hot friends, so don’t dismiss them totally. How to spot this girl

1) She will drink… ALOT

2) She is loud in hopes that will get attention from guys

3) She displays anger if you hit on her friend and ignore her

4)She will punch you when you make jokes

5) You need to ask her name 3 – 4 times; not because you’re mean, but because you just don’t care

6)She will finger snap at you when she sees you later at another bar

7)She is a natural cock block

8) She will tell the same story to your entire bro group for e.g how she just got her tongue pierced by the scary lesbian in the tattoo shop

9)Usually gets depressed when drunk, you’ve seen them the moaner at the bar “ahhh my mom and dad are always fight ahhh wah wah cry me a fucking river”

10) Hangs on you the whole evening

11) Knows your phone number already

12) Has a picture of you as her screensaver 10 min after you met

13) Referring to 12 has already put you as her fb profile pic and friend requested you

14) Wears slutty clothes when looking to get laid

Crazy 8 – 10 & Hot 8 -10 – These are dangerous girls because they look amazing and are rad, but just have that side to them that, when it comes out, you’d better have your running shoes on. She is also one of those how-badly-do-you-want-to-fuck-this-hot-girl-because-you-need-to-even-though-you-know-its-not-a-good-idea-because-she-is-insain people, which you decide based on how hot she is in relation to crazy and what you can handle. How to spot this man eating phenomenon

1) She has deep, deep issues that she hides from you – but they surface when she is out or you are hanging out.

2) She’s the type likely to get your face beaten in for talking to your semi-attractive sister,

3) She will slash your tyres if she finds girls clothes in your room, even though they are just the jerseys your mom lent her last time she came over that she left behind.

4) Most commonly she is a “MeMe” a girl who only talks about herself

5) Will comment on almost anything you do on facebook or myspace and for God sake do not give her your passwords!

6)She will be freaky in bed

7) She is likely to SMS your friends to see how the night is going

8) Will randomly arrive at poker evening in case it’s actually stripper evening

9) Will shave your dog in a jealous fit

10) Will throw your clothes out of your house if she gets mad. I repeat; your house

11) Expects you to run her errands and help her with everything

12) Uses you to cater to her issues, and then gets angry with you for doing it, even though you don’t know they are there, or that you are messing with them in the first place e.g. you tell a story about you and your dads camping trip when you where a kid after she asked to hear stories of your child hood and then she freaks out because “YOU KNOW MY DAD USE TO BEAT ME”

13) After you break up will come out with her new boyfriend just so you can see him with her

14) LOVES to be the center of attention in any way possible

15) Likely to start fights with guys bigger than you

16) Will lead you on as to there being a chance then you gives you a lame excuse e.g. “You’re just a good friend”

17) Talks about her ex ALL THE TIME

18) Does not enjoy foreplay because she is “insecure”, but really just hates giving blowjobs

19) Categorized as a “BITCH”

20) Usually likes house music, often because she can’t deal with anything reminding her of her issues

21) Will have the sexiest body but still think she is fat and force you to diet with her

22) Will have a weird name like “Chastity” you can insert any stripper name here “Krystal” or “Cherry” Will usually shorten her name in stripper fashion e.g. Candy or Ash

23) She moves things way way too fast – e.g. from internet chatting to sms every day all day, to facebook dating to her moving in, usually within two weeks to a month

Crazy 8 -10 & Hot 7- 6 – Beware! -That sums it up. If she lands you into the relationship you are effed. She’s not hot enough to date and she is crazy enough to kill. These girls are the last resorts at a party or night out. They will seem hot enough to get with because all the super hot girls have left already. Then you think; “wait… why is she single?” and it’s too late – she has her tongue in your mouth as well as planned your future together. Try your best to avoid these, mostly you’ll find yourself getting with them during dry spells or rebounds. What to look out for:

1) She wears a lot of leather or pvc

2) She wears a lot of make up

3) She’s actually pretty slutty (a good sign at first) She’s so slutty that after sucking your dick she gets with a bro in the back of his Camero

4) When you approach at a party she won’t stop staring at you, even after you have introduced her to your friends who are clearly hotter than you. She is thinking “Target acquired”

5) She gives you her phone number way too easily

6) She wants to go home with you after 15 minutes and one drink

7) Puts her hand down your pants in the full club

8)She is so drunk by night end she talks in incomplete sentences e.g. “Water is made up of… where’s my beeeeerrrr?”

9) She has a career as a secretary or PA, and it’s not temporary

10) She is studying something that sounds interesting but actually is boring as fuck

11) Wears very little clothing in summer

12) Will ask for a lighter even though 5 min ago you saw her get one from her bag

13 )Commonly known as a grinder on the dance floor – she will grind the fuck out of you while dancing

14) Will tell you she doesn’t do any drugs but most likely has CAT in her bag or at least Acid

15) Lets you or a stranger touch her inappropriately in public, maybe even both at the same time

16) Pretends to love a deity so she can say she is trying to turn her life around

17) Has a paddle with her name on it for rough sex

18) Likes Rough Sex – and not the enjoyable type of rough sex

19) Referring to point 18 – She is a biter


21) Will do ANAL

8-10 Crazy & Hot 5 – 0 – That’s right, we’re at this point. Now I write this not trying to be a dick, but in this part I can’t be anything but. The catchphrase “Your Team” can be attached to these girls. Your team is a game explained (future incentive). These girls eat a lot and are ready to sell your organs on the black market. She is the type to get you into her car once you have passed out at your friends’ 21st, bachelors, or from trying to get over an ex. Not needing any real guides to see who she is, we all know them from the minute we enter a club. However, I am going to put some pointers just incase:

1) She is usually fat (not saying fat girls can’t be pretty, but generally they are NOT. There are exceptions

2) She will hang around you and your bros, even though no one knows her and it will be awkward

3) She can down a beer faster than you can

4)Wears bright colours to draw attention to herself, and hide her moderately attractive friend

5) Is the grenade in every friend group

6) Will use pick up lines on

7) you Referring to point 6 – most likely to use lines relating to food – e.g. “How do you take your eggs in the morning”

8) Referring to point 7 – she will laugh at these really really really loudly and be ready for a snort or too

9) Will not only shave your dog but paint it as well

10) Will MMS you pics even though you have never asked – she will even use a friends phone and then ask for pics back

11) Will hit you during sex, and when I say hit I mean hit!

12) Uses the date rape drug

13) Will accuse you of rape even though you have only met once at a club (level 10 crazy only)

14) Usually a Wiccan, or tries to seem like she is one May even be a scientologist

15) Name is usually something masculine like Andy or Hannah

16) Can be brushed away by using the fake call button on your Samsung Star. If you have another phone you are shit out of luck

She is Usually wider than the gaps in this page in a person ratio i.e SHE IS FAT and I know I am repeating myself

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