South Africa – A hard act to follow

So I have been in Canada for almost 3 months now. The main thing that sticks out for people is the accent. Is it that different? People automatically assume its either Australian or British. To those people I firstly would like to say please find a cliff and jump off. It is the same as me saying “All Canadians and Americans sound the same” Its just full of crap. However a strange thing has been happening lately. As I sit at home most of the time I have watched a lot of TV, I am talking as much as a vegetable in a state who can only stare at a TV set amount of TV watching. I have seen several movies where they attempt our beloved accent and thus made me want to write this. What are the 3 worst attempts at the South Africa accent? Well I shall answer these.

3. Matt Damon – Invictus

Nkosi Sikelela E'merica

Nkosi Sikelela E’merica

Let me paint the picture. Recently out of Apartheid, a country confused and still very split on morale and ethical issues. Enter stage right – Nelson Mandela. Definitely one of the greatest humans to live in the last 1000 years. He does some research and unites the country through a huge sporting event in South Africa’s back yard. He did that in conjunction with Francois Pienaar. Damn there is an Oscar in this story……..

Morgan Freeman doesn’t do the best Mandela and he should have sat down with several South African Comedians who can pull that accent off. For me though Freeman wasn’t the main problem. Matt Damon just butchered the sound of a South African. I understand they wanted someone famous so they can sell tickets to the movie but could they not have locally sourced a  Francois Pienaar. I am pretty sure my buddy Tyrone Keogh could have done a better job and the studio could have paid him a fraction of the fee. At least somehow get Charlize Theron in there.



I mean come on at least if Charlize did the role I could have maybe – semi (hahahaha yeah I did) enjoyed some rugby.

2. Richard Roxburgh – Hugh Stamp

Quick lets go fuck up Australia... With Aids. Will get it on the way South Africa is right there anyway?

Quick lets go fuck up Australia… With Aids. Will get it on the way South Africa is right there anyway?

OK, so Mission Impossible 1, what a movie right? Guns, hot girls, good acting and good story line. So I know for Mission Impossible 2 lets not do any of that. Lets go shoot in Australia, get Australian cast involved and wait while we this side of the equator I know lets get a South African. Because nothing says espionage more than a dude with a thick South African accent. I mean when you ask the CIA who has the best voice for undercover inconspicuous missions well of course people from SA make the top 10 list along with Estonia, Israel and of course Azerbaijan.

Richard Roxburgh – tries his hardest to do the accent as Hugh Stamp – I mean they couldn’t even do a little more research into names. I mean come on Hugh?  Call him Stefan or Henk something from the region at least. Can you picture that brain storm session. Writer A: “Lets name the SA character Hugh”. Writer B: “Why Hugh?”. Writer A: “Well Hugh Jackman is from somewhere around there right?”. I was there so that is a true story.

Now I am no Hollywood caster but when last did someone say “Fuck yeah, Richard Roxburgh is in that! I have to see it.” again how hard could it have been to outsource a South African actor with 2% acting ability to fill that role.

Of course the only you tube clip I can find is the one scene he doesn’t do that badly on. The way he says “Jaw” Flashbacks of back home.

1. Joss Ackland – Lethal Weapon 2

We have a black guy. He knows all about "Apartheid" I mean he too had segregated beaches - So he bought his own its so the same.

We have a black guy. He knows all about “Apartheid” I mean he too had segregated beaches – So he bought his own its so the same.

Lethal Weapon is just on of the sets of movies. Its all about the complete saga. Terminator, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and Debbie Does Dallas must be in that list. However as awesome as Lethal Weapon is. It must be said whoever was in charge of casting for the 2nd one needs a slap. Could he have gotten worse South Africans? Well, No otherwise they wouldn’t be on this list.

Joss Ackland a British actor must have had a stroke mid filming that made him lose the ability to act. Wow has their been a worse performance? Do you think he looks back now and thinks. ” I nailed that accent.” Well he clearly thinks so because was like oh yeah I was so good I can blend with ‘My people’ and move to the country.  (Seeing as he lives in Cape Town)

Through out the movie he is really bad however we all know and love the “Diplomatic Immunity” scene, Classic! It makes me pee a little that is how bad it was.

Ok. give them a break it was 1989 and lets not lie South Africa only got semi famous when we invented Aids in the 2000’s and 2010 for hosting the soccer world cup and I mean if you going to have the plot of your movie revolve around a County you couldn’t possibly spend any time researching it could you?

Anyway that’s me done ranting I will be writing a 2nd piece called “The worst of SA doing US accents” but that would just be a long list. However I would like to say – Hollywood it cost 1500$ return to South Africa.” Try scout sometime if you need “South African” in your movie.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s